Cloud's Secret
by CloudS21
Summary: Cloud is into voodoo and cold blooded murder, but they are kept secret, Cloud doesn't know that he is being watched.


Cloud's Secret  
Author: CloudS21  
Rating: PG  
Category: FF7  
Genre: Humor  
Comment: Have you ever thought Cloud could be weirder than he already is? Well, guess again after you read this fic!  
  
  
Cid: Hurry it up in there, d*mn it!  
  
Barret: Just a minute!  
  
Tifa: That's what you said an hour ago!  
  
Aeris: Yeah! Other people gotta use the shower!  
  
Barret: I'm not in the shower!  
  
Cloud: ::imagines Aeris in the shower:: Oh yeah...  
  
Vincent: Did you say something, Cloud?  
  
Cloud: No.  
  
Vincent: Okay.  
  
::loud pooping and gassing noises from the bathroom::  
  
Cid: Oh $#@*)!  
  
Tifa: Great! Now we need another 20 plumbers!  
  
Barret: Argh ergh...ugh! ::loud poop sound::  
  
Aeris: Oh !@#$%^%$@##$(*&^&$?$%!^$#!!~!@@#!  
  
::everyone stares at Aeris::  
  
Aeris: That's what Cid would say if he was paying attension...heh heh...  
  
::everyone turns away::  
  
Aeris: Phew...  
  
::10 flushes::  
  
Barret: I'm done! ::walks out::  
  
Cid: I ain't goin' in, I'm going in the bushes!  
  
Tifa: Not in this yard!  
  
Cid: Fine! I'll go in Rufus's yard!  
  
Tifa: Fine by me.  
  
::Cid leaves::  
  
Aeris: I'll just take a shower when the plumers come...  
  
Cloud: I'll go in!  
  
Tifa: Don't do it, Cloud! It's suicide!  
  
Cloud: I know, but if I do somehow survive...I'll be a new man! ::walks into the bathroom::  
  
Tifa: Be careful! ::walks away::  
  
Yuffie: What a foo'.  
  
Cloud: This isn't so hard...HUH?! ::a sudden stench gags him:: ::crawls faintly out of the bathroom and takes bigs breaths of air::  
  
::That night::  
  
Cloud: You won't get away with this, Barret...::walks into his room::  
  
::There are a lot of black candles and a voodoo doll of each FF7 character::  
  
Cloud: ::Grabs the Barret doll and throws it in the toilet:: MWAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
::knock on door::  
  
Cloud: Who's there?!  
  
Vincent: Me.  
  
Cloud: Oh, Vince, hi.  
  
Vincent: My name is not Vince, or Vinny, or Vinco, or Vincey, just Vincent.  
  
Cloud: Whatever, what do you want?  
  
Vincent: I cannot sleep with your manical laughing.  
  
Cloud: Okay, I'll stop...  
  
Vincent: Cloud.  
  
Cloud: Yeah?  
  
Vincent: One more thing, why are you in the bathroom?  
  
Cloud: Umm, I gotta take a wee-wee.  
  
Vincent: Wee-wee?  
  
Cloud: A piss.  
  
Vincent: Piss?  
  
Cloud: Liquid has to come out of my bladder.  
  
Vincent: Oh. ::walks to his room::  
  
Cloud: Better go to bed. ::tucks himself in::  
  
::knock on door::  
  
Cloud: WHO'S THERE?!  
  
Vincent: Me.  
  
Cloud: Me who?  
  
Vincent: Me Vincent.  
  
Cloud: What do ya want now?!  
  
Vincent: I can't sleep while you're murmering sexual things about me.  
  
Cloud: That's Yuffie.  
  
Vincent: Uh-oh.  
  
Cloud: WHAT?!!!  
  
Vincent: I have to share a room with her.  
  
::Yuffie can be heard from her room::  
  
Yuffie: Gimme some sugar, Vincey.  
  
Vincent: Do you have a spare pillow and blanket?  
  
Cloud: Yeah.  
  
Vincent: May I use them?  
  
Cloud: Knock yourself out.  
  
Vincent: Thank you.::grabs the items and walks outside::   
  
::that morning at Rufus's house (Shinra HQ)::  
  
Rufus: ::walks outside and yawns:: What a beautiful day! I think I'll turn over an new leaf! Huh? ::sniffs the air:: EWW!!! THERE'S POOP IN MY BUSH!! I hate this day! I'm gonna stay the same as I always was! ::kicks a trashcan::  
  
::with Barret in the bathroom::  
  
Barret: Ergh, ugh...::takes a big poopy:: AHHH!! DIEING!!Dieing...Dieingggg.......::is smuthered in his own poopy weight and poopy stench::  
  
Tifa: ::knocks on door:: Barret? Are you okay?! ::Beat Rushes the door down:: Oh my gawd...::faints::  
  
Aeris: What is it? Oh my...::faints::  
  
Cloud: Mwahahahahahaha!!  
  
Vincent: What's so funny, Cloud?  
  
Cloud: ::clears throat:: Nothing.  
  
Vincent: ::suspiciously:: Okay...  
  
::12:00::  
  
Cid: The special episode of Dukes of Hazards is on! ::jumps on couch and turns on TV::  
  
Yuffie: NICKELODEAN! ::changes channel::  
  
Cid: What the @#$%&!  
  
Yuffie: RUGRATS!  
  
::TV explodes::  
  
Yuffie+Cid: AHHHHH!!!  
  
Cid: Look what you did, BRAT!  
  
Yuffie: ME?! It was you, GEEZER!  
  
BRAT!  
  
GEEZER!  
  
BRAT!  
  
GEEZER!  
  
::with Cloud::  
  
Cloud: Let's see how ya' do this...::bends over and knocks Cid doll out of window:: Oops...::doll's head pops off::  
  
::Cid and Yuffie::  
  
BRAT!  
  
GEEZER!  
  
BRAT!  
  
GEEZER!  
  
BR...::head pops off::  
  
Yuffie: KICKBALL! ::kicks head out window::  
  
::Cloud::  
  
Cloud: Let's have a little fun! ::cuts off Tifa doll's Double-D's::  
  
Tifa: ::looks down at where her boobs used to be:: AHHH!! MY DOUBLE-D'S!!! AHHH!! ::runs around, has a heart attack, and dies::  
  
Vincent: ::turns to see that Tifa is...:: DEAD! OKAY! What the hell is goin on?!  
  
Yuffie: So the vampire does have some expression!  
  
Vincent: I am not a vampire...  
  
Yuffie: Never think you're always right, Yuffie. ::walks away::  
  
::Vincent walks into Cloud's room without knocking::  
  
Cloud: Holy s*it!  
  
Vincent: So it was you all along...  
  
The End  
  
CloudS21: If you want to see the face off between Vince...  
  
Vincent: My name is Vincent.  
  
CloudS21: Okay, anyway, the face off between Vincent and Cloud you'll have to wait.  
While you wait I suggest you read:  
Anime: Digimon  
Digichat NOW!!!  
and  
It's gonna be a looooong night!  
Made by Gabu RedXIII, my sis!


End file.
